I wanted this blog to be a resource; I wanted to write meaningful posts about progress, tips, support and encouragement. My end goal is to help everyone who’s every felt less than enough – be enough. Then I ramble about wanting to eat all the chocolate like a savage. I want to update you on my no progress, but then I don’t see the value – the worth, my worth. And to be fair, there is progress; it’s just not on the scale, but I feel better. It’s also hard to brag about immeasurable progress. Can you see my lowered anxiety? Can you feel my sense of security in my relationship? Do you sleep soundly with me at night? It’s also hard to share the successes, when my biggest struggle is the grey area (or the gray matter, if we’re being literal). I live in a world of right and wrong, black and white, success and failure. I obsessively follow the rules and/or obsessively beat myself up about breaking them. These obsessions affect my mood, my value and my life. If I am try
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Two words that hold a lot of meaning, they have to come with context, emphasis and understanding. It might mean, I am holding it together, but I am not yet ok. It might mean, I am annoyed by your decision, but know it’s yours to make. It might mean, I’m not sure how to tell you, I am not ok, but I need more time to be ready to share. I’m fine. It's the end of the conversation, it blocks follow-up questions or expectations of further discussion. It’s the politest answer to a question you’re tired of being asked. A question that comes from a good place, from a caring place. I am fine. I am still walking up right, still breathing. I am still a functioning human being, but my heart isn’t in it right now. I am fine, but I can’t talk about it. And I will be fine, until I am ok... until I am good.
I got my package. I will write a post about it, but I am still overwhelmed and waiting for guidance. I read it cover to cover and took away the things I could understand: Eat every 3 hours during waking hours, to keep my metabolism humming along (I am not sure if this is old-truth, but as I promised Richard, I will do the program as it was designed for me). I am designed for 'burst' work-outs, but likely to obtain soft tissue injuries. I tolerate alcohol well, because of this I don't likely have hang-overs and need to be conscious of my intake. I need to set 5 attainable and measurable goals (harder than it sounds). Mindfulness eating will likely be the key to my success. Let's look at number 5; mindful eating. This is what keeps you from eating out of boredom, prevents mindless snacking and makes the process of eating more enjoyable. I think it's the same principle as food journals or budget journals -- being aware and in the moment keeps you from ov
Have I become a victim of my own ambitions? I wonder if I have too many balls in the air, if my system is confused and bumping into itself trying to figure out what I am trying to achieve. I made a list on the weekend and was astounded; Mental and Physical improvement is a long list. And I know from the Willpower Instinct, its human nature to fail at secondary tasks. We have willpower for one thing; dieters tend to spend more, reformed shopaholics eat more etc. So here is my list; Weight Loss Grant Program (Dietitian, Kinesologist, Behavioural Therapist Dental Overhaul (cleaning, extraction, fillings) Cogitative Behavioural Therapy to correct the OCD and manage the GAD Thyroid Dysfunction; working with a Naturopath and my GP unsuccessfully Kidney Infection and heavy meds Spinal Health; working with a Chiropractor Complete overhaul of my office; including converting the clinic to paperless My Mental Health; Meditation Reading
This is day 17 (and 18) and I am still without a plan. This does not work in my life, I need a plan and a workable goal, I always have (the epiphany will come shortly). I am still waiting on the program to arrive on my doorstep, I feel further from prepared the longer I wait. I am enjoying my life again, knowing the end is coming. I am baking and eating without recording it, I am thinking less about food and the scale, which will make it go up, but it’s freeing in this moment. So I started a second program, because anyone can handle ONE program, but I’m not just anyone. I was referred to a psychologist for an official diagnosis and treatment. I put it off for almost a year; I didn’t want anything ‘official’. This past week I met with Dr. S to try and find a resolution to my anxiety, which would hopefully ease some pressure and pull the dark cloud away – or at least offer an umbrella. Although, I think regulating my thyroid would be my umbrella, diagnosis and treatment would e
I survived Thanksgiving with one big meal and all the prep without gaining anything. I made mistakes and couldn’t be trusted near the apple crisp cups, but I paired that with extra exercise with the boys and lots of water. I managed to stick to my eating hours with only a tea in the evening and no snacking. 3 hours ago I wouldn’t have called it a win, but today, the Tuesday after the weekend of consumption I saw my Naturopath. She brings me calm. It feels like she is helping, when everyone is just judging me and my consumption. She asks how I am feeling and how she can help. She actually listens and shares my frustrations. And she was as equally puzzled by my latest test results. Reward offered! The results where my TSH and T4 remained the same, but my T3 plummeted, all while taking an increased dose of synthetic T4. She said it just doesn’t make sense and she was genuinely frustrated. She also had wonderful things to say about the Weight Loss Grant program I am
It’s the last day of the first week and I just had my consultation and testing. Talk about fascinating stuff. Also, let’s touch for a moment on how my mood can swing from side to side so quickly. I was feeling a little lost and frustrated by my current predicament. Now I am completely enthralled, excited and engaged. So today I met with Sarah the Registered Dietitian (RD). She started the Melanie package with an introduction and an overview of the system. Then we spent 90 minutes talking about me (my favourite guilty pleasure). We discussed my normal day, my food choices, my medical history and my vices. She listened and took intense notes. She will be creating my program based on this appointment and all my test results. I made it very clear; I don’t eat fish. I started the meeting nervous that it was the same as all the other programs that were a ton of work and lasted a few months, but never stayed long term. I thought about all the charts, contemplation and time the
Ok, I lost momentum. I don’t want too... but I did. Sorry. Sorry to you, sorry to myself, sorry to sorry. I am so Canadian I actually just apologized to myself for apologizing to myself, and you know the joke is bad when you don’t even want to continue typing it. I didn’t lose momentum because I wanted to (who ever does?), I lost momentum because yesterday was shit. Like, literally shit. Mother Nature showed up, almost unexpectedly. I normal get some warning cramps, an ‘it’s coming’ mood swing, but nothing just BAM cramps and chocolate cravings. I can talk myself through those cravings, but it’s always a struggle. Then I had a dentist appointment, a check-up, and I have 3 cavities and an extraction booked from that, because - - that’s just life. I don’t think it is that bad, considering it’s been years since I had a dentist and regular appointments. The downside is the botched root canal from 4 months ago (the birthday face explosion for reference) is one of the teeth that ne
It's time to discuss Frank again, as I am not sure what he is up to. It's been 2 months since I started the thyroid battle, two months of supplements and increased doses. I. Feel. Worse. I thought I was feeling better, but then the weight started to pile on, my sleep started to suffer and my skin started to flake (painful eczema on my fingers). My anxiety and mood swings have been off the charts and I don't know why. I can't blame everything on Frank, August was a hard month for my scheduling, with vacations, sick kids, work holidays and long weekends. My stress was all over the place and I spent most of the month overwhelmed and angry. Because of above conflicts I had to move my doctors appointment out of September and in to November, so I ran my blood work October 1st, to split the difference. I want to know what's happening as I start the weight loss grant, a wonky thyroid could really stall my progress. Continued... It's the next day and I have
I woke up feeling better and more in control. Amazing how the body works, I ate real food, no junk and woke up without stomach pain. Go figure. I had my challenges, a night out with friends was limiting, but I had an herbal tea to sip around the fire. Without explaining my new adventure, everyone teased about my dry night. I wonder why I need the program if I can do it on my own, this morning I woke up down 7 pounds. I know that’s water weight; a polite gesture from my body for giving up the crap for 72 hours. I know the loss is short lived and eventually I’ll have to start losing real weight, new weight... not the same 15 pounds, again. The wonder is gone, when I am two inches away from my face with a cookie (without realizing) before I remember the commitment and cash payout. Cash isn’t the guide though; it’s what we’re going to do with it. In 239 days, when I have met my goals and get the reimbursement comes back to me full and we book a vacation. There is a debate on
I feel a little lost, but mainly because I planned for this to be day one, the commencement, the start the... nothing. It was just the first interview to go over the process and give me one more chance to back out. I didn’t back out, I thought about it, cried over it, but still signed up for it. I weighed in gave myself 243 days to lose 42 pounds. My biggest struggle is to trust the process. I struggle with trust on a good day, but when I am trusting professional strangers to provide me with the answers I have spent my life looking for, wishing for and dreaming of... it’s hard to trust. The coordinator even touched on the fact that some of the people start out believing it’s a scam, herself included. A team of people to guide you on a custom program and they’re going to reimburse you everything when you hit your goal – scam. The saving grace and deciding factor for me is – there is nothing but food on this program. There are no pills, supplements, protein shakes, cleans
I have giving myself 243 days to get fit, lose the weight and change my lifestyle. Today is the day before. I wrote a 7 page manifesto, mostly as a therapeutic writing exercise, but also to document my head space before everything changes. I am not going to share the entire thing, it's could be offensive, it might be sad, it's a little funny, but it's not for sharing. What came from it, was the below list -- my goals for this challenge, the event, this shift. I thought they were worth sharing. So. The rules. The Values. Long pause. Be a twisted version of the idols you want to emulate. Find a way to track your journey and make it relatable. Get famous with your funny views on things. Don’t be mean (even though mean can be pretty funny). Give up screen time, there is no value in playing that game, cruising Facebook and being caught up on Netflix, there is a life to live and no one ever idolized the fat girl playing on the iPad every night. Walk. Eat Consc
Bye, Frank. I should start with, my Doctor determined I do not have a goiter at this moment. Sorry, Frank you've been let go. I met with my GP this past week to discuss the outcomes of my test and the lack of utility in my thyroid gland. He's heard this speech from me before, so I expected the same results, but after the pre-determined lecture, ' Eat Less, Exercise more '*, with a bit of ' A lot of over weight people just want to blame their thyroid for their bad decisions '** and ' you can't believe everything you read online '***. He elevated my dosage of Synthetic Thyroid, the very thing I have been asking for for years. This week I started on an elevated dosage along with my Thyroid support supplements and I already feel different, maybe because I won the first battle. Wish me continued luck, Yours in Health-i-esque, Melp PS - For the original post click here *I can't eat any less, I am only consuming 1400 calories a day.
I am into every trend, I like thinking I discovered something before it was cool. I also (but not always) do my research to determine the validity of the claim being made and the realistic ideals it presents. Will I do it? Will it work? Is it long term? Along my path of wellness, I have adapted and modified with different methods. I know calorie counting works for me, I know intermittent fasting works for me; both play to my strengths and use the burden of information to keep me on track. I know that vitamins don't work for me, I can't measure the results so I forget to take them (flawed logic I know). Finding something I believe in and will do on a regular basis is tricky. This past month I have added Warm Lemon (fresh squeezed) water to my morning routine, during my fast which means all the goodness is going to straight to my gut (*which is the focus of a lot of ineffectiveness right now, great podcast on that here ). It adds flavour as I get to my eating time an
I've fallen down the well of Podcasts and conspiracies. I'll put together a list of the best ones (on the side) so you know where to find all of the actual details. I am learning my inability to regurgitate information. (It reminds me of Tim Taylor on Home Improvements*, Wilson would bestow upon him amazing wisdom and than Tim would, at the worst time, spout his interpretation that was always wrong. In the right spirit, but wrong). *Richard and I are binge watching this show and feck, it is so funny and still very relevant to our lives. On that note; I will try to share what I have been learning... Hypothyroidism; also called underactive thyroid or low thyroid, is a disorder of the endocrine system in which the thyroid gland does not produce enough thyroid hormone. It can cause a number of symptoms, such as poor ability to tolerate cold, a feeling of tiredness, constipation, depression, and weight gain. I practice Intermittent Fasting, a great tool for an OCD foodie
I didn't do this chapter, I probably should have, but I didn't have the willpower (the irony is not lost on me). The experiment for this week was to pick an 'I will' or an 'I won't' goal and stick to it. This means... I won't swear, I will use my left hand to brush my teeth; it is suppose to be something challenging, in line with your will power goal, but also traceable. I couldn't think of anything I wasn't already doing. I also didn't want to over complicated this balancing act (ie. Isagenix, Intermittent Fasting, Thyroid supplementing and calorie counting... hmpf). Just writing that sentence highlights the struggles in my life... I take on too much. And with that I just figured out my will power goal for Chapter Three. I won't weigh myself everyday (multiple times a day). It might not seem like a lot, but I am obsessed. As of this post I won't weigh myself outside of Friday mornings as part of my groups weekly weigh in.
I am well into Chapter 4 at this point, but I am still utilizing the lessons from Chapter two. Chapter Two was the best experiment yet; proper sleep, outdoor exercise and relaxation. It's like a prescription to live my best life. Sleep has never been a concern for me, I love it, it loves me, but this chapter is about getting proper sleep, uninterrupted - deep and restful. To do this I eliminated screen time in the bedroom (or before bed), I added a salt lamp for warm lighting (to battle the intrusive blue light put out by screens) and I moved my meditation to before bed, for the perfect mindset. I also use a Sleep Well spray from Isagenix, this has nothing to do with the book, but is having a great affect on my sleep. It's a blend of herbs that are suppose to promote proper sleep, it might be a placebo, but I like the taste and finality it represents to my day. Once I spray, that's it --- the day is over. Outdoor exercise is something I strive for daily, but doesn
I am reading this book to develop the willpower required to tackle my goals. The beauty of this Book is broken down into Chapters, with a goal and experiment in each. You build off the following week. Chapter One is about setting your challenge, developing your 'I will', 'I won't' and 'I want' goals, finding your trigger (early every time) and meditation (strengthening your frontal cortex). I posted my 'I' goals and have stuck to them the entire week, reciting them in my head when temptation wanes. I will get health, I won't sabotage myself, I want to be fit. I can proudly say I haven't slipped on my diet or fitness intentions, even adding kick-boxing to my routine. Just from that I have lost 5lbs. I have a journal of my triggers. Who knew they were rooted in waste?! I hate wasting food. That's why when I am full, but there is food on my plate, I continue to eat; why I eat off of my son's plates (they never eat); why I ind
I am embarking on a new adventure & I think that warrants a new blog. Melp's Health is a child of Fitness-esque , the wacky adventures of a girl trying anything (and everything) to get fit. This is the blog of a woman trying to get healthy. A woman trying to help others get healthy. This is the next chapter in my life, (I have a dozen more cliches if you're interested). I just hope this chapter is as much fun... for me and for you. Health-i-esque yours, Melp