It's a Healthy-esque Thing

Let's play a bit of catch up, I always wanted this blog to be about helping other people with less time than I have. People who have similar ailments, but limited resources. I have time, I listen to every health podcast (and true crime). I read every article, I am a complete information junk. I spend my free time figuring out what works, on my own and with professionals, I read self help books. But I am just me, I am not a professional, I don't have a wall of certifications, so this blog turns into more of a journal entry that you might pull wisdom from. Let's get all caught up; The Weight Loss scam grant; I completed a full year with the program which doesn't tell you anything. In that year I paid $3000 and I spoke with a dietitian 3 times, a counselor once and a fitness girl 5 times. The company I started with went bankrupt, the company that took over my contract wasn't registered with the program and would require my final weigh in to be at another cli...

I went down a dark road. I road littered with good intentions, but still dark and wide. Sometimes my insecurities, my esteem dwindle and I run out of the energy to silence the voices screaming I am not good enough. Sometimes I quietly agree with them and eat the Oreos in darkness wishing I could just disappear. This is the roller-coaster that is me. I try at something and when it doesn't work (usually because it wasn't right for me, not that I wasn't doing it right) I beat the hell out of myself and every aspect of my life suffers. I forget to smile at the good times, I wallow in the bad times and I get stuck. Sometimes it lasts a day, an hour... this time it was months of hopelessness, feeling lost, alone and like a full blown failure. I tried to handle it alone, I tried to hide how it felt to suck at life. Mostly I succeed... something I am best at, pretending I am ok. I think I am on the other side, I think I am ready to dive back into health and wellness, I thin...

What's the thought process and the deep sub-conscious drive that continues self destructive behaviour. How an intelligent and beautiful human being can hate themselves so much that they intentionally sabotage and harm themselves. Saturday afternoon; I am alone in the house with my little people. We're just lounging around, no one is feeling well and I don't have the energy to make up something fun outside the house. As we fend for ourselves, my boredom turns into hunger, cravings and desire. I have nothing but time while they sleep. I'm caught up on all my shows, I don't have a hobby, I am not tired enough for sleep, but I AM to tired to workout. I pace thinking about chocolate, sugar, salt and fat. I remember the cookie cupboard, recently replenished by a well intentioned Mother in Law. It has Oreo's and rainbow chocolate chip. I circle around and try to distract with carrot sticks, gum, juice and another litre of water, but now my entire thought is how to ea...

I continue the crusade to persuade everyone (myself included) that I am not just lazy, something is wrong. It’s been a full couple of weeks with a new team. It started with a trip to my family doctor and an hour of dialogue with his nurse practitioner who actually heard me, when I said ‘something is wrong’. She asked a ton of questions and I walked away with a req’ for an ultrasound, a handful for blood work and an appointment to send a scope down my throat to see everything along the way. I’ve been having chest pain, heart burn and trouble swallowing for the past couple of months, enough that I need that resolved before I can be well. Not everyone knows, but I have a long history with Bulimia and without knowing it*... caused a lot of damage to my esophagus.   The scope should check the scar tissue and damages and go all the way into my stomach to see what’s causing all the trouble. Waiting for the results I find myself hoping for something, something to show I am no...

Frank is still a thing, it's been 3 months since my last post and still I have no good news. It is the most frustrating experience, I started in June on a quest to get my thyroid functioning and my life in order. I know all of my obsessions will be solved with an active thyroid. My biggest obsession is my weight and my appearance; as I am learning neither will be what I want as long as I have a defunct system. I drink 6+ litres of water a day, I sleep 8+ hours a night, I exercise for 30 minutes everyday (I practice active recovery), I track everything I consume, I meal prep and calorie count. My NRF2 is activated. I supplement with NDT and still take my Synthetic Thyroid. I work with a Naturopath, Dietitian, Kinesologist, Psychologist and more... I am sure there is more. All of that and in the last 2 months I have only gained, inches and pounds. I am working to curb my obsession; I can only weigh in once a week and I have to listen to my body when it comes to strength train...

I wanted this blog to be a resource; I wanted to write meaningful posts about progress, tips, support and encouragement. My end goal is to help everyone who’s every felt less than enough – be enough. Then I ramble about wanting to eat all the chocolate like a savage. I want to update you on my no progress, but then I don’t see the value – the worth, my worth. And to be fair, there is progress; it’s just not on the scale, but I feel better. It’s also hard to brag about immeasurable progress. Can you see my lowered anxiety? Can you feel my sense of security in my relationship? Do you sleep soundly with me at night? It’s also hard to share the successes, when my biggest struggle is the grey area (or the gray matter, if we’re being literal). I live in a world of right and wrong, black and white, success and failure. I obsessively follow the rules and/or obsessively beat myself up about breaking them. These obsessions affect my mood, my value and my life. If I am try...

I found a new craveable... I had to share. Guys... they are lite and snackable, without any of the bad stuff. And dipped in hummus *drool* they are my new obsession. I know it's hard to know if something is worth a try in the grocery store, but TRY THESE. #themoreyouknow