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We're getting a closer look at Frank.


I continue the crusade to persuade everyone (myself included) that I am not just lazy, something is wrong. It’s been a full couple of weeks with a new team.

It started with a trip to my family doctor and an hour of dialogue with his nurse practitioner who actually heard me, when I said ‘something is wrong’. She asked a ton of questions and I walked away with a req’ for an ultrasound, a handful for blood work and an appointment to send a scope down my throat to see everything along the way.

I’ve been having chest pain, heart burn and trouble swallowing for the past couple of months, enough that I need that resolved before I can be well. Not everyone knows, but I have a long history with Bulimia and without knowing it*... caused a lot of damage to my esophagus.  The scope should check the scar tissue and damages and go all the way into my stomach to see what’s causing all the trouble.
Waiting for the results I find myself hoping for something, something to show I am not lazy, but sick... something to fix.

I headed to a new Naturopath as well, someone closer to home with more knowledge of thyroids. We met and I fell in love, she explained all my tests, the why, the how and the fix. My blood work (outside of my thyroid) is good. She couldn’t understand why we weren’t doing something to reverse the APO level from my previous test and she agreed to start me on NDT asap. She also gave me homework, to track my basal body temperature (which she shared was the most accurate way to track a thyroid disorder (over bloodwork) and no one ever told me). I walked away with a handful of supplements and a plan. It felt good.

It helped that in the same day I started with a new Psychotherapist, one that specializes in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which you know I have tried and failed at before. I love her too; she shares her notes with me, makes a plan and hears me. I don’t know if it took me going to several to learn the process and manage my expectations or if she just found a way to include me. I feel like WE have a plan and a goal, I am not just blindly following her and hoping for the best.... which is what I have done in the past.

I have had the ultrasound on my thyroid and as turns out, there are some things seriously wrong, it’s misshapen, rough textured and there are a lot of nodules throughout my neck. I haven’t had my follow up, but have been emailed by both my doctors to say, ‘it’s not cancer’, but it is something to discuss. THIS is exactly what I needed, because Google said ‘suspected Cancer, more tests required’ which made for a very long afternoon.

Since my appointment I have switched to NDT (2 in the morning and 1 in the evening), I take thyroid support, adrenaline support and something else I don’t completely understand. I also track my temperature 3 times a day and am blown away by the results; I average the mid 96s, a ‘normal’ person averages 98.6. No wonder I am always cold... the furnace isn’t running, or it wasn’t. Since starting all of this 3 weeks ago, I am getting to normal and it’s so confusing to be hot all the time (or what seems hot to me).

I am trying to track all the changes as my body adjusts to a functional thyroid. I did weigh in with an unexpected loss, for the first time in months. I am not frantic about it being a mistake and despite my best efforts am weighing myself with more frequency to stay on top of it. I never thought I would be afraid of losing weight, but I genuinely feel fear every morning and afternoon... what if it was a fluke and I have gained it all back and then some (something I am used too). What if my body catches on to the new plan and sabotages it again and again. It feels hopeless, but not in a dramatic life altering way, more of an acceptance – nothing works. It never might.

For the most part my mood has been better; I don’t feel as lost and worthless. I don’t feel as foggy, but I have my bad days.

I went for the scope consultation with a new doctor who was rude and dismissive. She made me feel small and petty for even wanting to have the scope. I felt like she, and everyone I cross paths with, is judging the validity of claims, when they’re thinking... she’s a failure. If I would stop failing at everything, I wouldn’t need all these extra tests, specialists and demands. I had a full blown meltdown on the phone with Richard, he’s so good.

So that’s the update; I go next week to have my scope, get my B12 shot and get my homework checked on my CBT, which was a lot of emotional paperwork, that I also feel like I failed at.

UPDATE: I did not fail at the paperwork, in fact I did it very well and changed the direction of my treatment (that’s for another post).

Yours in Health-esque,

Melanie

*I knew, but was in denial

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