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My Day

 So quick catch up, I missed my birthday because my household had covid. We came home from Worlds and had to isolate for 10 days -- which meant everything was cancelled. I had finally planned a birthday that didn't rely on anyone. Start the day with a float, then a massage with a salt scrub and a pedicure with my favourite lunch. The next day was an adventure with the hubby and then horse back riding with my best friend. By far one of the best birthdays -- but not, because everything was cancelled.

It was sad -- I spent the day alone, while my husband and oldest isolated from me, because they were positive and I was not. I made and delivered all their meals and did all the clean up before I went to bed alone. It was very sad. 

I think I am over it -- I don't need a redo, despite all of my friends offering to reschedule everything. 

I did need to use the services I could only delay, not cancel. So last night I had a night for me. 

I started at kickboxing, which was a killer class, where I feel like I pushed myself well. Then I took a casual drive to downtown Burlington, my favourite place to wander around. I had a BIG salad from my favourite restaurant and then I went for a bedtime float. 

It was a perfect outing, I ran into roadblocks, my favourite little bakery was closed and my float was cut short by my rumbling stomach, but I  came home and fell into a deep sleep. 

I woke up feeling refreshed and prepared to make the most of today. 

Which is good, because I have big things to consider. 

I am 39, this birthday felt big. The last year of my thirties, closing out another decade of this life. I don't want to start my 40s battling the same demons, making the same wishes. So I need to figure out how to not be that me anymore, how to be 'Manic Melanie' on a more real basis. 

I have goals and things I want for my life, and although I am young, lately it feels like I am running out of time. Imagine getting to your deathbed with a list of things you ever did because the excuses were so easy? That seemed like a horrible fate. I am not dead and I want to be fit, I want to be a Ninja and I want to jump a dirtbike. I don't want to believe my 'sexy days' are behind me. I think a year is a lot of time to get the job done, lose the weight, learn to love this body, be the person I have always dreamt of. 

Secret -- I want to own my own little piece of support. I want to run a bootcamp or open a gym. I want my days to be filled with the things I love, I want the freedom to steer my own ship. 

Floating really helps align your goals, where does your mind wander too when you aren't distracted. What is pulling focus from your goals... my float was overcome by my health concerns and fears about aging and dying. I can do nothing  OR OR I can make changes and stop allowing the version of my self that is sad and lazy win all the battles.

Maybe Manic Melanie is actually motivated Melanie....?

Just my morning ramblings. 

Love you!

M

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