It's a Healthy-esque Thing

 In a stark contrast to the previous post -- I am on an upswing. I caught it early, but not before I signed up a foam run, booked a cottage with friends, reached out to a personal trainer about an individual program, I bought probiotics, meal prepped for hours and at 10am have already consumed 59grams of protein. It's fun being this version of myself. She is smart, powerful, optimistic and kind. She is also up for anything and doesn't care about the expense -- nothing is as valuable as the experience. The only fear is the come down, when it happens I don't always have a say. It makes it very hard to keep up with all of Manic Melanie's ambitions, but when I feel like this the low doesn't seem so bad.  Wish me luck as I embark on the summer of me! Events, concerts, construction, cottages and endless fun. Woot! Melanie 

 At least that is what I am telling myself.  I've been sad and that is heavy. It's hard to carry around sadness and still perform at peak level. I had to use all my energy to exist for my kids. I am not depressed, but this sadness was big. A recent dianosis, left us having to rehome our cats, which seems trivial in the grand scheme of things, but they were my 'we're-not-having-anymore-more-kids' cats and I loved them with all I had. That plus they're the only pets my kids have ever known and they are hella attached. So we had to grieve the loss, while handling the news of my littiest guy having severe Asthma that is impacting his lung development.  That paired with my horomal cycle at the time of the news, left me struggling to get through each day, feeling the weight of it all. And all of my self-awareness couldn't stop me from falling on my good old coping  mechanisms, even while it was happening the quiet, healed, wise little voice in the back of my mind

 Happy 2024! It is not January, and this is not a post about resolutions (been there, done that).  I am using the last few days of March to fine tune who I am going to be this year, with the real 'fresh start' to happen on April 8th. The beginning of my new year.  I have always made plans to lose weight, for as long as I can remember, I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be smaller. I wanted to be little, lighter and blend in with all the other pretty girls.  Last year I changed my plan (at least I pretended too) I wanted to create consistency and redefine my body, but ultimately I wanted to get smaller and lighter to be able to live the life I want. The life I pictured was always in a smaller body -- a body that 'fit' in the standardized seat of society without any over hang.  Mid year, I entered an F45 challenge and changed my prespective. I didn't care about the weight, but I wanted the functionality that I believed only existed in a smaller pant size. I accepte