It's a Healthy-esque Thing

That could mean a number of things, but sadly it means that I am over 40lbs gained this year.  In fact, I have gained 40lbs in 7 months. Since I switched to NDT, since my thyroid numbers leveled out. WHAT. THE. FUCK. It was gradual-ish, a little over a pound a week. I wished it away as water weight, an off day or a wonky scale. I thought it would mellow out once the meds kicked in, but my friends they have kicked in.  Look. Those are great numbers, normal... nothing to complain about.  But I am up 40lbs, I am full of brain fog, wearing glasses, exhausted and grumpy.  WHAT DO I DO NOW? And maybe you're thinking... but muscle weighs more than fat and that is true, but I also haven't lost any inches.  You've heard the list before of all the things I think I am doing right... but it doesn't matter.  I didn't feel as pessimistic as I expected. I assumed my numbers would be terrible and that I could blame this crummy thyroid for all my p

There is always a positive message about loving yourself at every size. Being healthy is more important than being skinny, its just a number. But this past week we started working with an incredible Financial Advisor and you know what kept coming up?? My weight. First it was a simple line on the budget for gym, supplements, naturopaths etc. But then as we set up Life Insurance (how very adult) my weight kept creeping back into the conversation. And now our rates are affected, because I don't fit in to their little box, I have to have a full medical exam because of my thyroid and ratios. I want to cry. For all the work I have put in and the number on the scale only moves one way. I try to be ok with it, because I feel 'healthy', but again and again I am punished because my genetics aren't as amazing as Richards... or anyones. The number does matter and mine is TOO BIG. I am too big. Argh.

I have been excited about what's to come for a few weeks now, but I couldn't pretend it all happen easily. I think the struggle is sometimes worth the lesson. I think I need to venture off path to remember why I chose the path I did. This path is mostly well lit, successful and warm. I just can't stray. I started working with a Naturopath a while ago, I expected her to do this for me. I expected her to come up with a plan, force me to do it and I would wake up without all my baggage. It has happen before, but that was when I had far less baggage (pre-marriage, mortgage and babies). This time she outlined the areas of concern and offered guidance, but I wasn't ready. My head was filled with regrets about the weight loss grant and I fixated on a date, that didn't matter, then I punished everyone around me when I couldn't do it. So this Naturopath (I can so easily get lost in a rant)... she recommended the NDT and increased my dose every time I said it